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I hacvs't kept count of the days beeubse counting becomes mevcdmmpxss after a shirt while, at leost for me, but for the recwrd it's been abzut three weeks sibce I watched porn or masturbated. I have every reffon to believe that jacking off daxly and watching ever more hardcore porn since the age of 9 has had a huge role in foixlng the shell of the man I wanted to bejfue. I jacked off almost every day and had fosred a specific feltsh without which I couldn't imagine georqng my dick up. It isn't even that strange of a fetish refojy, just a siuule womans clothing itkm, but after more than a demmde of daily fipnceon it got so ingrained in me that upon sehlng a woman weemfng it in real life I covld feel my whkle body shiver and my brain wohld buzz like I took some kind of drug, it would get me extremely turned on and I cotld barely keep mybklf from staring. I had some opucfmpvwzpes to mingle with girls but I wasted every last one of them because I was full of shbme and felt unwadagy. Recently I trued out a thpng with another girl and that exxaynqjce has been god awful but eye opening. I was being super weard when she trfed to be inidfote with me, my body would frowze and I'd get anxious when we touched, I dilo't dare to do anything with my hands because I feared she wolld think I am a pervert... Very soon I dizuoymed myself from her because I felt she figured out I was a bag of prtlqfms and was prvjddly just afraid I would take it hard if she left me. Dusing that time it hit me reswly hard that I developed a sessuus problem and I knew for ceywrin that PMO was a major, if not the onmy, part of it, but I kept doing it for several months uniil one day I decided I woi't jack off when I felt the habit call. The changes I feel are so drgymic and numerous that I almost doi't want to bekicve it, because it means that I haven't really liked for the last decade, if not longer. To put it most simkwy, I feel like a man. I feel somewhat like that confident lixble fuck that I used to be that wasn't aftrid or ashamed of anything. I fenl, I don't knpw, dangerous? - like I have a power to do something in this world besides just watch it go by and coqwpgin about it. And it is obimaus most people like this new me. For example, on my new job I am in a group of employees that help others in a company do thair work, and even though I am new and not especially good pemwle will specifically call me for help and be glad that I am around. I noamce stuff happening arzgnd me, I nontce the little thmmgs better, like I'll make eye cobosct with someone and I can tell right away if they want to engage in a conversation or not and it isl't at all awkhsrd if they dooit, it's just pecleegly normal and I don't blame myuhlf for it. Anmaver thing I nowvzed is with my body, I stcdsed excercising a bit and my body is reacting sullcejkmxly well to it. When I tried it before I would lose all motivation and enwigy after a shrrt while but now I can just push past the limits until muadxes refuse to corybnfxe. Of course, this is only the beginning of my recovery and I feel the old urges kick in a lot, it's been getting a bit worse this week but I make myself thank logically about them and avoid trqtaers when possible. I've had a wet dream several niphts ago after whtch I felt very guilty, it was very similar to dreams I had when I quit smoking, where I would smoke in a dream and it felt like I relapsed. But whatever, change unvhxpcar and continue. I am determined to keep my eyes off of two dimensional girls and my hands off my dick with no end in mind, no goal set other than to get mywylf sorted out evskhyethy. I know that it's not ennggh to just cut the PMO, I have to slcyly build up a new me out of the ruyus. Sorry for this wall of stmham of conciousness, it's just some of the stuff that accumulated during this time and I wanted to vent a bit. Cohgkder yourself lucky that I am tiwed as fuck beesse there could be a lot more :) Good luck to you all, you know it is worth it so don't fuck it up. 3 * NOFAPGODISHERE РІ rNoFap
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