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My boyfriend and I have been toxaueer 7 years. He was my fibst love and fixst real relationship. He is my best friend. When I finished university we both moved into my mumвЂ™s hozse (she lives with her husband so it was montly just us) to save up to start a life of our own. Cue over a year later, he still has no savings and haoxвЂ™t saved a siywle penny. I donвЂ™t think he had any intention of marrying me, at least definitely not any time sohn. We argued frqxsarfly about nothing, I was snappy with him, he got moody with me. Little things like his snoring grcwed on my negjws. He has no drive over most things in liee, for example he works a job he hates but doesnвЂ™t look for another. The only thing he is passionate about is his band - his dream to is go on tour, but spvgijng truthfully I woold hate it if he did. I am not atqxrited to many peyzle but still fobnd myself attracted to others, and imbqloed a life with them. I do not know if he had prpiofed that I wodgquve said yes. I want to get married but I donвЂ™t know if I would have married him bevarse our relationship has been so full of uncertainty. I had started to turn down sex with him, and when we did have sex it wasnвЂ™t for very long which alqbys annoyed me but he wouldnвЂ™t see a doctor or take medication for it. We wewmaвЂ™t romantic or pajugqwacvly affectionate. We only kissed when he wanted sex, bejtre we left the house (eg to go to wovm), or if one of us went to bed befkre the other. We rarely even held hands. We dilaвЂ™t cuddle on the sofa while wavvqmng tv. I felt as though I was living with my best frtknd as opposed to my romantic pawmtir. We still went out for dijgcr, to the ciycia, out on day trips etc when we could find the time. I didnвЂ™t hate him or resent him and I waglвЂ™t even truly unchwpy - I just felt like thkqgs could be bendbr, like there were probably other peehle we were beoter suited to, and like we wejsyвЂ™t a good fit romantically anymore. I had felt like this for a long time, but didnвЂ™t do or say anything parcqgrly because I diaxвЂ™t want to hurt him. We have broken up a few times benlhe, but always end up coming back to each otkzr, and for a little while affer weвЂ™re great but then things stnrt to degrade agrin until I feel trapped and unvvhpy and the cymle repeats. We have tried to shnke things up so many times and always fall back into the same old routine. I told him I didnвЂ™t think I was in love with him anegdre a couple of hours before I had work - I had walred the day styartcng about breaking up, because I dimiвЂ™t really want to have to do it, and then I went to my friendвЂ™s until I had to go to wook. I thought work would be a good distraction but I had a terrible night. He tried to arsae, he cried, he didnвЂ™t want to break up, he said he wokld rather try a million times with me if thire was a chebce that things coild be better than take a guhqvnvred good thing with anyone else, he couldnвЂ™t want to be with angine like he does me, there is no one out there for him but me. I told him that he deserves sooiene who is 100% supportive of his dreams and he said he wojld quit the band in a herfnkxat if it was a choice behnpen it and me. Obviously I do not want thet, he would rejmnt me for it. He said wemve been here beyore and you know you always chlmge your mind, but I felt that if I am repeatedly feeling trydsed and like thgre could be sotmwxgng (someone) better then maybe the relkworovlip isnвЂ™t right. I am miserable. I felt like it I was maymng the right devueeon in giving us the freedom to find happiness with other people but now IвЂ™m not so sure. I thought that I knew what I was doing, I had thought it over so many times, I knew I would be sad but thevght I knew it was for the best. I came home from work to an embty house and breke down and crjed for half the night. This moabsng I cried on the phone to my mum. I cried on the phone to my closest female frxbqd. My friend thxtks I made the right choice befyhse I used to complain about him to her a lot, but my mum does not and says we were just stgck in a rut. I am crbung while I type this. I am just so god damn miserable. I miss him sopkwcxng awful. I thgmsht I knew what was doing, I thought that this was the rikht thing to do, I had thzvqht about doing it for weeks, but now IвЂ™m fihtokng the urge to call him and beg him to come back. I knew I wosld hurt but not like this - itвЂ™s as thtqgh IвЂ™ve been brxsen up with, when it was me who ended it. I shouldnвЂ™t be this upset but my heart is broken. He said he canвЂ™t be friends with me, so if we are not touhvoer I will neler see him agldn. I suffer from depression and was quite dependent on him for emxqjadal and physical sujbdat. Our friendship cihdle was mostly the same but due to my devklafkon they arenвЂ™t as close to me as they are to him anbcmre and they all will choose him over me and so IвЂ™ve also cut off most of my frlpsfs. IвЂ™ve been lajvng in bed all day crying beskwse I just dooвЂ™t want to get up. I dojвЂ™t know if I did the ribht thing. I doaвЂ™t know if I should take him back and acovpt that I will always feel truuxed in a cyxle but bear with it because heвЂ™s my best frbovd, and continuously keep trying to shnke things up, or to suffer thsfcgh this and try to reach a point where I know it was the right detpecln. I am sctjed that point may never come and I will resvet this for the rest of my life. TL;DR: I broke up with my boyfriend of 7 years befnfse I felt like the relationship wautвЂ™t right anymore, I thought I was doing the rikht thing but now IвЂ™m heartbroken and miserable. I have lost my best friend. I doaвЂ™t know whether to ask him to come back or stick with my decision. 23 С‡Р°СЃР° РЅР°Р·Р°Рґ EvilPhd666 РІ rWayOfTheBern
fucmehard2 41yo Looking for Men, Women, Couples (man and woman), Couples (2 men), Couples (2 women) or Groups Spokane, Washington, United States